For shameee… yes, for damnnn shame. While I have all the excuses in the worldddd (work, extracurriculars, studying for insurance exams, etc.), who doesn’t? The fact is, I stopped caring about my weight loss because I was ‘too’ busy and said ‘what the hell?!’ I have such fickle feelings about my weight and while I know I have no time to slack, I do anyways. Why? Because it’s easier to give into temptation now than worry about the consequences later. And to be completely honest, my ‘Lent’ promise went straight out the window… a week ago. :-/ Maybe I don’t want ‘it’ enough most days?
When will I get it through my head? WHEN?!
This past weekend I felt gross as I attended an Irish Pub Crawl in Boston. I felt overly sized on the subways – taking up 1.5 seats. I felt even worse next to all the skinny winny college girls parading around looking all cutesy. As of recent, I hate going to the clubs. Legit, can’t even do it. I like the idea of going, but once I get there… reality settles in. No one looks at me or gives me the time of day. If people do look at me, mostly it’s in a judging manner and I promise I’m not being paranoid about that either.
On Sunday I had taken enough random hints from Jennifer Hudson’s Weight Watchers Commercial to all the online adds on my Pandora channel to several different people telling me about the online program. I went online, it said it was $58 to join for 3 months. I entered my credit card number and now am a member. WW has worked the few times that I decided to stick to it. So here we go again. Tomorrow night I’m going to thoroughly scour the website and see all of the resources it has to offer and then start counting points on Friday. Why wait until Friday? First, I have an insurance exam that will be consuming me ALL night tonight. Ugh. And also because I’m not entirely sure how this new Points Plus program works… and I’m not really a fan of the Android app on my phone. Looks like I’ll be entering my points in online… heh. Not ideal, but we’ll see. So that’s that.
I’m going to be serious about Weight Watchers, because if there’s one thing I’ve learned about myself in these past 6 months of yo-yo dieting… it’s that I can’t do restrictions. Whether it’s Nutrisystem telling me to eat their preservative-filled, astronaut tasting food or a low-carb diet telling me I can’t have my darn bagels or croissants.. everrr. Nuh-uhhh. Homie don’t playyy dat! And that’s what’s up. Even this whole ‘No fast food’ deal for Lent, which included Subway for me. That was a huge struggle and becauseeee I deprived myself of my subway (which is a HELL of a lot better choice than the McD’z I ended up binging on), I fell hard off the wagon. I can’t implement several changes at once and be successful at it. I don’t know of many people who can! That being said, I truly believe the only method that will ever work for me (unfortunatley) is portion control. I’m not down with eating only cheeseburger patties, just to rid the carbs. That’s super fattening anyways, even IF the Atkins diet works. If I want bread, I need to have it… or I’ll deviate from the plan and sabotage myself. My friend, Sarah, has reminded me several times even when I told her about my low-carb dieting idea. She’s right, it’s not a sustainable life-style choice, so it’ll work… but temporarily. And Jaysusss was she right! Thank you, Sarah. You’re one of my biggest supporters and you’ll never know how much that truly means to me.
So here’s to getting back on (for the nth time) the wagon and staying true to myself and not hiding from my own blog, like I did for the past 2 weeks.